To be “Lucky”: Smoke, Mirrors, Mud and Worms

Lucky: (1) Having good things happen to you by chance.

Every time someone says, “you’re so lucky”, in response to how I have structured my professional and personal life, a quick smile flashes across my face.  Success achieved: I am believable.  Internally, I cringe and shed a silent tear because I feel like a faker.  I know the power of smoke and mirrors.

Calling me “lucky”, while flattering, is over-simplistic.  It fails to recognize how I got here and, perhaps more importantly, how I get to stay here.  Don’t get me wrong, I have certainly had some luck along the way, whether it be by timing, or having that extra intuitive jab steer me down the correct path, but hard work, optimism, stubbornness, and resilience remain the MVPs in my approach to creating and living my best life. 

Similarly, the comment, “must be nice”, when friends, family and colleagues see me working amidst the Tuscan vines or Pacific waves warrants the following response: “it really is”.  But that response deserves elaboration.  

Along with creation comes maintenance, and maintaining this life comes with challenges.  I don’t post photos of bloodshot eyes after spending 15 hours reviewing and editing a massive contract.  I was certainly not compelled to share this week’s reflection in the mirror: an image of a woman full of self-doubt, garnished with self-loathing.  Would you like a side of self-deprecation with that?  Frankly, too often in the entrepreneurial world, such gritty realities don’t jive with what we think entrepreneurial success looks like, so we hide (and struggle) behind smoke and mirrors.  And, in a twist of irony, we become so agitated and angry when the outside world views us as lucky and successful (how dare they – they don’t know the struggle and sacrifice), victimized by the façade we painstakingly created and try to preserve. 

So, while my life is great in many respects, let me be the first to say that every day is not roses.  Sometimes, not even dandelions.  This past week? Mud and worms, baby.

As I build out my businesses, I find myself working several full-time jobs and wearing so many hats.  This very post – well, it was supposed to be out yesterday, but I fell off the rails, and when I finally put my “big girl pants” on, I did not feel passionate about the scheduled topic, so here we are.  Let me be the first to say that most of you get a very glossy image of me and that is thanks to my outstanding team, but you deserve some realness. We all do.  So, let’s regroup.

Let’s talk about Bill Gates.  Do you remember his failed traffic counter company called “Traf-O’Data”?  Of course not.  When you think of Bill Gates, you think of the American business magnate who founded Microsoft.  You think of an incredibly successful man, but please remember, you are seeing the finished product.  It can be easy to forget what the real entrepreneurial hustle and struggle looked like when all you can see is the masterpiece. 

So, today I am here with a message for my fellow entrepreneurs.  It’s okay to drop the smoke and mirrors.  Some days, we belong in a Hieronymus Bosch painting.  It’s okay.  I see you.  I stand in solidarity.  Just. Keep. Going.

I have many days where it is hard to show up.  I wasn’t always good at this.  Some days, I still feel like I am terrible.  I’ve had to grow crusty, reptilian skin to get used to people saying “no” and turning their noses up at me.  I’ve heard every rumour and terrible punch line about me and my firm.  I’ve even been told that I am not that special.  Fine.  I’m not looking to be special. I am looking to be happy and to do what I love.  To me, that’s special (#thanksfortheunsolicitedfeedbackjerkface).  

I’m not against luck, but I do think that giving too much credence to luck strips us of the true power of choice. Leaving big law was my choice.  Running my own firm and carefully selecting clients is my choice.  Showing up, even when it is mud and worms, is a choice.  And here’s the thing, the universe conspires in our favour when we are relentless and choose to show up and work hard, because showing up to do the hard work creates the aperture that allows “good luck” to seep in.  But always, we must show up first, even if that means showing up without the smoke and mirrors: untethered, unrefined, and unhinged.